Goodbyes

We say ‘Goodbye’ all the time, probably two or three times a day. Sometimes we through around ‘Goodbye’s by saying it like it’s nothing special. Tonight was bittersweet, I said goodbye to one of my closet friends. He was leaving to college, it’s not too far, but he won’t come home every weekend. I hope we will still remain friends and won’t lose in touch with each other. I would say that he has been a true friend to me for the past couple of years. I will really miss him, and I know he will make good decisions for himself. I just hope the best for him, but he is very hard working and driven for his goals. 

I also hope the best for the class of 2012. 

Two Different Ways

There is always a good side and a bad side in everything, but we just have to make sure that we choose the good side. I learned that you have to do bad things/mistakes and learn from them and hopefully you will be able to change for the best. If you continue to do those bad things, it is not a mistake, it’s a choice. And no matter what decisions you make, your loved one will always love you but would want the best for you. 

Just thinking…

There’s Facebook, Twitter, and Google Plus and most of my friend’s status’s are “hanging out with my boyfriend” and stuff like that. And I don’t have a boyfriend or anything right now, but all my friends do. Sometimes I feel so left out when I ask them to hang out with me they will say “Oh sorry, I can’t. I’m with my boyfriend.” I know this topic is such a high schooler topic complaining that I don’t have a boyfriend cause everyone else does. The thing is, that I don’t want to have a random guy as a boyfriend, I just want someone special to come into my life. I miss feeling important to someone and that person feeling just as important to me too. I just wish I can meet someone new. New things have happened this year, I thought I meant someone special but they just chose drugs over me, which means GTFO of that situation! 

I guess you can call me a hopeless romantic or impatient, which are both true. I guess I have to be patient and wait for someone special to find me. I’m not going to rush myself and try to find someone tomorrow or anytime soon, I guess I will be patient and hopefully I will find the right person soon. 

it’s like a roller coaster…

Right now in my life I am not happy. But then again two days ago I was the happiest I could ever remember. Two days ago, I felt like I was the most important girl in the world and I was just on top of everything. Then two days later I feel like I’m nothing and no one appreciates me anymore. This might not sound very YOLO-ish but sometimes we have to control our happiness because you never know how big the next fall is. For me, it is basically me going back to my original state: no one special right now and not trying to be in a certain social group. But the last two days, someone special did come in my life and cheered me up but now he doesn’t even want to talk to me anymore, and the social group I thought I was accepted to doesn’t like me and doesn’t want me to do anything with them. I wished things lasted longer, and hopefully this isn’t a big fall, hopefully there is an up-hill on this “roller coaster” of life.

Head up and look forwards

Many people has had that relationship where it was your “first special one”. But today I was at forensics practice listening to one of my friends do her Original Oratory. I listened to her and her message really came to me. It was about moving on, and people that looked in the past more tend to be more depressed. I think that is true, we always ask ourselves in any situation that we remember in the past, “What did I do?” “What could I have done to stop this?” “What if it didn’t happen?” Those are the universal questions about any kind of past event that has changed some one. I looked in the past when I was looking in the past (past-ception!!!) and I saw that I could of been doing something else. And there has been those moments where I can do so much better for myself and others while I am not looking in the past. I am brightly looking to my future, I think to myself, “I wonder if my hard work ha paid off?” “I wonder who I will meet?”. I believe that everyday is a given day for you to do something special; we shouldn’t look back in the past because you can do so much more, such as brightening some one’s day, or meeting some one special, or even doing yourself a favor and achieve a goal. 

Worst day ever….

So today was not the best day and it could be one of my worst days. First of all, i lost my $50 shoes (Toms) and then I have so many tests and essays due all in one day. This whole day I felt like crying and not talking to anyone. The only time I would be happy is when I listened to some music, but that didn’t help much. Today was horrible. But I thought to myself, today couldn’t be the worst day ever because some other people have worse. Not trying to sound conceded but I shouldn’t be complaining. Even though I lost my shoes, it is nothing compared to losing a house in a natural disaster. I try my hardest to keep my head up but I’m under so much stress that I don’t even know anymore. I know life is going to get harder and things won’t get easier. I know I have talked about this before, but I need to remind myself that I’m lucky to be alive, have a family, have food on the table, have a home, have clothes and shoes to wear. Maybe I don’t have the best of friends (because the high school I go to, is very grade and drama competitive…so backstabbing is common). Sometimes I want to be able to talk to someone so they know how crazy I think and take in my shit, I don’t want to overdo someone though. But hopefully I’ll be able to relate to some people and keep my head up and not think the worst of things, but the best. 

it’s all good…

Everyday has been the same. I wake up, go to to school, go back home, do work, then sleep, and repeat. I’m content right now. I’m fine with it. Sometimes I wish that there was something exciting in my life though. I wish something could happen right now, or tomorrow, or this week. Something excited, but in a positive way. I meet a new friend, I hang with old friends, I meet someone new. The best thing is that surprising and exciting things happen when you expect it the least, that’s the most exciting part about it. :)

growing up…

Right now we are all growing up and learning new things, but it’s scary to grow up because everything is changing. All of my friends drink and smoke every weekend, my close family friends are not well, and one of my favorite teachers is out because of cancer. I always ask myself ‘Why is this happening?’ and ‘Will it happen to me?’. This really shows me that anything can happen to you, even if you are good person or bad person we will always have our rough patch in live. We’ll have multiple rough times or a journey to overcome a big rough patch. Live your live, but have some common sense, please. And try not to end the day with a fight, always forgive and forget. It might be hard but try not to take anyone or anything for granted. 

Is this how life is suppose to be when we get older? Is life going to get harder as we get older? Sadly I think it will get harder. Even though I am still a teenager in high school I will try to appreciate my life more. 

STRESS

Everyone knows the saying, “Money can’t buy you happiness”. But sometimes when you barely have any money it can kind of. It’s because we want everything we can’t have; and living in a middle class family money is always the most important topic discussed in the house. Being the middle child, the one who learns from the oldest mistakes and tries to be a role model for the younger one, is suppose to be the successful one. I’m suppose to get scholarship money and go to college with a full ride. In reality, I know that is not going to happen. I am trying so hard to get acceptable grades, and I am not happy with my grades. I was thinking, trying to boost my self esteem, and I thought, “Well, I’m in this club and that club.” and so on and so forth. But I feel like that’s not good enough, I have an acceptable GPA, but my grades are the worst. When will my parents understand that I am in the IB program and taking all IB/AP classes?! A number on a piece of paper can’t show who I really am. I work hard, very hard, but it seems like I’m not good enough. And the people who make straight A’s don’t deserve them, they cheat. All the time. I just don’t know what to do, break my morals to get straight A’s or work my butt off and get the grades I deserve. I know many people will say cheat because it’s easier and everyone does it. I just want people to know how much effort I put into things and how hard I work. It seems like I’m never taken seriously because I’m known to be stupid. Well thank you world, I appreciate it.